Hansel vs. Gretel (2015)

Disclaimer: I select the majority of movies I watch based off the title and the image, rarely reading the synopsis. Though this has sometimes proven painful, it has also led me to some amazing gems of cinematography. This review is my personal opinion and does not reflection anyone else’s or companies’. You are more than welcome to disagree with me and like or dislike a movie according to your personal values and thoughts. By all means make your own judgment! This review is based off of my own rating system. The opinions of this movie may or may not have been influences by adult beverages. Of all disclaimers the following is the most important: This review may contain spoilers. That is your warning. I will begin all potential spoilers with “SPOILER” and end it with “SPOILER OVER”. Please continue reading at your own risk. Or enjoyment!

 photo Hansel-V-Gretel-movie-2015_zpsn5lwjslj.jpgReviewed: 3/2015

Genre: Horror. B-Rate.

Synopsis: This is the synopsis from IMDB as of 3/2015. “When Gretel falls under a dark spell and organizes a coven of witches, Hansel must find the courage to fight his twin sister and the sinister forces controlling her.” Honestly, not an accurate description of Hansel’s character. This says he has to find the courage. Find it my ass! The movie opens up with him fighting/torturing a teenage cheer-leading witch to save some innocent girls from being eaten. Then you find out he has been traveling the United States killing witches for the past year. And why did he return to his troubled home town? Duh, to fight more witches. As you can see from this characters history revealed in the first 15 minutes of the movie courage is not an issue and this dude has some balls and guts (pun intended for those of you have seen or will see this movie!).  I also disagree with the description of Gretel, and this is no spoiler because the writers are not hiding anything from the viewers, she is not under a spell.  The bitch is power hungry!  And guess how you get power in this universe, you eat witches thus absorbing their power. This is where the coven comes into play.

One of the few finer points of this movie is the unique twist on the classic story.  First off, the cannibalism as mentioned above is a nice touch that allows for gore.  And  very nice addition to the original fairy tale that inspired the film. Second, I love that Hansel hunts witches and that Gretel becomes a witch because of what happened.  A fact that she hides from Hansel until the last 20 minutes or so of the movie.

A major down side is that terrible acting.  Something common with B-Rate movies but there is some painful dialogue in movie making the terrible acting worse!  Some cheesy lines should just be thrown out.  As a warning this movie is full of them!

As a side note, I am still confused about the bunny thing.  If anyone watches this movie and can explain its purpose to me you will forever be in my debt.

I found the ending way to abrupt. I really hope that they do not make a sequel to this!  The ending seemed as if the writers were not sure how to end the tale.  Should Hansel, the hero of our tale, win?  Or should the darker side, Gretel, win?  My solution is that they should have annihilated each other in a dual.  Would have been more entertaining than the real ending.  Which I do not think has been ruined by any of what I said.  If it did, you aren’t missing out on anything.

Gore:  I was let down at the very beginning.  It seemed they were trying to go all out with the “shocking” gore, which was poorly done.  If you are going to ripe something out of a body make sure the fake skin matched the actor/actress’ skin tone please.  The gore did improve as the movie continued.  Or I just got use to it.  Sometimes I do that.

Did you have to cover your eyes? Not once.

Would this be a good drinking movie?  I recommend being drunk or getting drunk if you watch this movie.  It can also be a drinking game by witches death. Or throats being torn out.  Or just death in general.

How many times did I regret turning this on? None. But I wouldn’t watch it again.

Duration: 1 hr 27 mins

Rated: This movie is not rated but I consider it to be R for violence, dismemberment of all sorts, and gore.

IMDB: As of 3/14/15 this movie is rated 2.9 out of 10 stars.

Netflix: Available as of 3/13/15.

Amazon:  Available for rent, purchase, or on Prime.  Rated 2 out of 5 stars.

Mala’s Rating: 1.5 of 5 stars

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